I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
