We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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