My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
