Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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