I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
