K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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