when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the day after is always just damage control
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
