i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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