I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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