He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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