i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
