I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
