my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
