is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
