Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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