I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
