guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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