i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
