totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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