Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
