just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
