its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
