I hate your face
I cockslap morals
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
