Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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