I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
