If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
