I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i love accidental penises.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
and you fell through a lawn chair
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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