New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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