Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize