can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
