He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
