My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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