The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
