I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
