I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
