Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
