I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
