He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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