Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
