So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
honey bunches of taint.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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