HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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