I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
as a side note pls kill me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
