And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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