R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Congratulations! We have a period
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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