I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
