i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
