Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
