i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
