wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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