On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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