that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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