Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
