I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
