I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
