omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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