After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
