I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
