Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
