the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
