when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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