This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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