you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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