It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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