the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
