Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
