I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
