glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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