Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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