so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
