i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
