glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
